Honey! I’ve shrunk the cows!

WARNING CARNIVORE FRIENDLY ARTICLE: Veggies and animal lovers are advised to avoid reading this article.

This article unearthed via Art & Literature Daily informs the general populace that families are turning to dwarf cows in order to fight the rising food prices.

For between £200 and £2,000, people can buy a cow that stands no taller than a large German shepherd dog, gives 16 pints of milk a day that can be drunk unpasteurised, keeps the grass “mown” and will be a family pet for years before ending up in the freezer.

Pity Gonzi’s government had not heard of the Dexter breed of cows before – they would have sounded so cool on the electoral manifesto sitting right next to the free light bulbs and might have detracted attention from the fat cows in his previous cabinet.

J’accuse has a new fixation on anything bovine and taurine. I have recently added a Zen Cow (see illustration – available at Cowparade – no commission for J’accuse) to my cast iron bull and officially begun a bull and cow collection.

Back to Gonzi’s cow. In the post-crisis world that is about to develop (yet many will claim that they never saw it coming) domestic animals that are useful for the family budget might come in handy. I still remember the not too distant past when visits to Nanna included a quick overview of the mini-zoo of animals destined for the slaughter in her back yard. There were chickens and there were rabbits, Nanna had a free flow of eggs, and good meat for the table. (I confess I did help Nanna skin a rabbit or two – it’s not as bad as it sounds). Standing at 39 inches, the Dexter cow produces 70% of the steak of a cow twice its size.

One of the family family legends is that of the chicken who refused to die and ran around the house with a broken neck while Nannu calmly sipped his tea with lemon from a transparent glass while advising Nanna to get a grip on the animal. Cool no? The Dexter cow produces enough milk for a household and a calf a year. A dollop to go with the tea sir?

A bank in Denmark has had to be saved from bankruptcy through government intervention. The crunch is here, in our very own European Union. Time to train your parrot to water the herbarium – save the last specimen of basil, thyme and mint. How about that little spare bedroom for a goat?

Dude, where’s my cow?

More info (from same article in Times):

A desire for organic food, fuelled by health concerns over factory farming and soaring food prices, means that many people now see growing their own food as a viable alternative. As many as 2% of households are now estimated to have their own fresh supply of eggs. In the last year food prices have increased by a record 13.7%. The cost of meat has risen 16.3%, while milk, cheese and eggs rose by 19%, according to figures released by the Office for National Statistics last month.

In America, small cow breeds such as the mini-Hereford are catching on among professional farmers keen to save money as the cost of feed skyrockets. These Herefords consume about a third less feed than normal cows and produce proportionately more beef for the amount of grain they eat.


2 responses to “Honey! I’ve shrunk the cows!

  1. I have always nagged my husband,who is into cows of the larger kind, to buy one for me to keep as a pet.Now is his chance….will refer him to the article. And as for a Danish bank being saved by government intervention…well that is Denmark for you. They are wallowing in cash anyway.Or should I call it north sea oil?
    J’accuse collector of cows and bulls? Head for Denmark. You will see alot of the real thing even crossing the road to your local supermarket.

  2. Guzeppi Grech

    I was under the impression that North Sea Oil = Norway, not Denmark. Do I stand corrected??

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