Maltese Relativism (a primer)

It’s a reflection you have to make. The new media brings about a certain ease in communicating that is a double-edged sword. Whenever I chat with Ranier Fsadni he always seems to find a way to mention the letter writers of the Times pages when the internet was non-existent. They would revel in writing a letter or two a week condemning such things as those nasty topless sunbathers, the horrible fireworks noise and the perilous state of Sliema pavements.

What with the new age of comments and commentators the number of old ladies has multiplied. Not literally of course but metaphorically. The busybody old lady in each one of us finds the facility of posting a comment with the click of a button a rather convenient ways to get something off their chest. From the Weatherman to the Bus Driver we have witnessed instances of tiny mass hysteria (let’s not get too big headed about the size) and the place of judge, jury and guardian of the people has shifted from the law courts and the police to the hoi polloi sat at their keyboards.

We’ve embarked on a trip that can only make us slide down down down… and the cause of all this is what J’accuse will begin to refer to henceforth as Maltese Relativism. It is a cynical term that explains the mediocrity with which our island is threatening to become infested. It began with the Mintoffian revolution, the lack of respect for professionals and the relativisation of values. It is camouflaged in a hypocritical assumed dominance of the Faux Catholique clique that has assembled some kind of idea of Malta Kattolika. And it is spreading all over the place. It does not stop there. It is all pervasive and is centred around Dun Karm’s “Jien” without any respect for “lil Hinn Minnu“.

If the justification that “l-università tat-triq” has brought someone up to see the world with very wise eyes is not enough then you can always create your own tenets of what is the validator of arguments. And they will be relative. Thus one can avoid arguing by claiming that only married people are rational enough to carry a consistent argument – the rest is rubbish. Or maybe by stating that being a columnist, one is the only one capable of rational thought. There are those who proceed to spin the argument in the negative – the victims of Maltese relativism. You are not listening to me because I am a Labourite and you are a Naxinalist. Or better: “Why can’t I have an opinion about how the law should be interpreted if I am not a lawyer?” it’s all relative you know.

Maltese relativism allows us to argue irrationally from “kacca namur” to “murtali gol-kazin”. We have taken the right to have an opinion and dragged it through the mud and mire. It is difficult not to be insulting on this one. It is difficult to respect the politically correct barriers that allow a false sense of security into whoever wants to enter the ring. Having an opinion is one thing. Being able to argue it, defend it and recognise when you might be wrong is a completely different one.

Right now half the nation seriously believes that Lawrence Gonzi is a corrupt bastard because he appointed Gordon Pisani to a Communications post within his private secretariat. That very same half will declaim that it is their god-given right to hold this opinion and that our country is now undemocratic. What crap. Utterly unbelievable crap. They have been so traumatised by the pre-election spins that they actually believe that had Sant been in power he would have put Gordon Pisani as head of Communications – and that it would be more democratic. In a real world where political correctness would not hinder straightforward expressions and save us the problem of wasting valuable time dicussing the obvious the whole labour posse would be told to sod off, get a life and stop being hypocritical. Instead we have to explain, as though to a toddler, that the post in question HAS to be filled by someone biased. A lapdog so to speak. Gonzi is in his rights to do so. This is the PM’s Metatron … His Master’s Voice. Nothing undemocratic in that.

The other half are busy and schizophrenically reminding the nation that they are in government by democratic right. It’s the law mate – they’ll tell you. It’s black on white. Relative majority or not that is what the law stated at the time of the election and that is why we have one more seat than you. (and why we do what we like and you are looooosers) Lovely. And they are right. What they do not like to hear in return is that when Mintoff and his Motley Crew marched triumphantly into Parliament in 1981 after gaining a minority of votes and a majority of seats they did so democratically. The law allowed the Labour Party to govern because there was no compensation mechanism. It was democratic guys. Pity the Nationalist party was made up of a bunch of whingers and chose to boycott parliament. Who’s an undemocratic tosser now eh?

Of course the argument is not nice to hear for Nationalist ears. X’gharukaza! He compared the gvern ta’ Gonzi to Mintoff. Marija Madonna. Guz put the kids away from the computer how rude! It’s all relative isn’t it? What’s good for the idiot is not good for the imbecile and vice versa. Even my calling them idiots and imbeciles is relative. In the relative world I can. Because in the world of Maltese Relativism I can say what I like because it is my Opinion and My Opinion is what counts (bir-rispett kollu). In the world of Maltese Relativism I, and only I (myself as TGIL would say), am the intelligent ubermensch. All the rest are stupid.

In fact I am the only one capable of reaching a conclusion through rational thought. All the others are just losers, nationalists, labourites, alternattivisti, wankellectuals, wishy-washy commies, married bigots, unmarried prepubertal freaks, jackasses, gays, peacocks, albatrosses and more. There you are. Feel free to comment. It’s a case of speak to the hand cause the bighead ain’t listening.

It’s all relative now, isn’t it?

Einstein? Fuck yeah.


12 responses to “Maltese Relativism (a primer)

  1. Superb blog Jacques

  2. danny attard

    The ‘relative’ issue is one that needs to be seriously debated. A voice in me regularly reminds me that malta has given lateral thinking to the world, and has also perfected mediocrity.

    I love einstein for failing his ‘eqivalent’ sixth form exams 🙂 l-universita’ tat-triq does exist … stronger on the understanding even if it produces lousy end-products nearly as much as the proper university lol.

    Re: you comments on the appointment of Head Communications…do not see i 2 i on this one.

    The times informed us that:

    Josephine Vassallo has been appointed personal secretary to the Prime Minister after having served as press secretary for 18 months.

    Her former post has been assumed by Gordon Pisani, whose official title is Head of Government Communications.

    Well, does this mean that GP’s role will be limited to that of press secretary? If yes than I have nothing to add other than to say oh what a title!

    The UK Head of Government Communications is responsible, ‘inter alia’ for MI5 and MI 6. If the Malta role is anything equivalent (relatively speaking lol) than I say that the role is an affront to maltese democracy. If it is just that of a press secretary…well his first job should be to clarify what his responsibilities entail…unless these are of a highly sensitive nature …sorry laughing my head off this end… enjoy your hols!

  3. And they are right. What they do not like to hear in return is that when Mintoff and his Motley Crew marched triumphantly into Parliament in 1981 after gaining a minority of votes and a majority of seats they did so democratically.

    … and the relativist here fails to mention that while in Parliament Mintoff sat across an Opposition Party which gained more votes than he did, Lawrence Gonzi sits across an Opposition Party which gained less votes than he did. There was an anomaly in the numbers of the 1981-87 Parliament; there’s none in those of the Parliament meeting on Saturday.

  4. … and then there was Fausto. Do I really have to interrupt my packing to answer you? Seems like it. The point is not the majority or the minority. The point is what the constitution and the laws of the land says. If the constitutional rules say you govern then you do so. That’s democracy. Whinge whinge whinge but the point remains the same. Yesterday you were not happy by governance by the minority of voters today you call it “more votes than the opposition” and forget that it’s still a minority of the voters. It’s convenient. It’s relative.Both are constitutionally accepted governments at the time of forming… hence both are democratic. Gnarl gnarl Gonzi is not Mintoff. Who cares? You do. The Labourites do to. But it’s all relative.

    But here’s what you see Fausto (in relative terms): It was anomalous in 1981 because you did not like it. It is not anomalous in 2008 because you just love it and you can hatch your little plots of renaming Vjal il-Labour to Vjal Romano Prodi because “revenge is sweet”. Relatively speaking of course.

    What a sorry bunch of irrational losers. And the beat goes on…. that’s rich. Relatively speaking.

    Buddy Rich? Fuck yeah.

  5. Aw, you shouldn’t have bothered. Packing is high art and a precise science and had I known that you’re already in holiday mode and an “anything goes” mood I’d have left you to your shirts and shoes. Enjoy your holiday!

  6. 5.39 a.m? Mad mad mad. I’m off. Anything goes. Fuck yeah.

  7. fabrizioellul

    Hi Jaques, don’t be bothered by him.

    Enjoy your holiday. Even in paradise people get to have breaks.

  8. danny attard

    To-day’s Xarabank was pure magic. The most engaging of debates seemed to unearth the basis for the final solution against child abuse – Ir-Registru!

    OK, so there were some grey areas that needed some ironing (a gentle member of the police force tried to explain to the throng that only names of those convicted of a crime can be included in a registru as those who have not been caught can not be included), there was a general sense of dismay when someone muted the idea that ir registru should not be made available to one and all. A gentle Father here saw an opening for general applause by asking the migema if it was right that a parent is not aware that someone convicted of child abuse lives in one’s own street. Viva ir-registru u kullhadd kuntent u ferhan.

    p.s. i am sure that we can tap into some EU fund or other that will finance ir-registru.

  9. danny attard

    It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.

    Roberto Benigni

  10. Pingback: PBO’s Apologia Begins « j’accuse

  11. I can tell that this is not the first time you mention this topic. Why have you decided to touch it again?

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